Zwaffel

verb: to rub or slap one's own male genitals against something

Occasionally there comes along a word that is so perfect, that it has simply must traverse different languages. Zwaffel is one of these. Mark my words, especially the word "zwaffel".

"Swaffelen" was named by a Dutch online poll as 'The Word of the Year' in 2008, and has become a cultural phenomenom. For obvious reasons, I was apprehensive to include a video of zwaffeling, but I found one from the NOS Journaal, the most trusted news program in The Netherlands. Don't worry, even though it is Holland, the genitals have been censored out. The opening scene is of a guy zwafeling the Taj Mahal. This video went viral, and one hopes for the sake of the guy, considering the horrific stories I have heard of how dirty the Taj Mahal is, that the video was the only thing that went viral.

The video goes on to explain the possible etymology of the word, which unsurprisingly, is most probably German. Thank you once again, Germany! What would we do without the Germans?

(Answer: celebrate)


Zwaffeling is kind of like this, but only if Amelia used her penis

A close translation to zwaffel might be "dick-slap", but this is usually used in more serious situations, either literally or figuratively, with the express intent to pay someone the highest insult. Zwaffeling is usually performed with a much more friendly and jovial atmosphere.

English is also blessed with the word "tea-bagging", but that uses the other portion of the male set of genitals, and simply denotes the dangling of the testiclae onto something, particularly, but not necessarily, another person's mouth. The aim of tea-bagging is usually to humiliate someone. Zwaffeling can also be used to achieve this noble aim, but is much more active, and a much more all-purpose word that can be used in a wider range of social situations.
Bonus: Females are (usually) unfortunately unable to partake in the act of zwaffeling, but not all hope is lost, as they are capable of "she-bagging".

Example sentence:
[scenario - a flatmate wanting the other flatmate to clean the apartment]

A: "Clean the apartment!"
B: "I don't want to clean the apartment"
A: "What if I told you that I zwaffeled every single surface?"
B: "Where's the mop?"