Doped

Verb (past tense): To have been baptised (as a baby or infant)

Being a student of George Carlin, one might say that I have a slight problem with organised religion. Mainly, a large problem is the lack of freedom of choice given to children, or as Richard Dawkins wrote, we should not label children as Muslim, Christian, Zoroastrian, Scientologists, Mormonian, or anything, at least until they are old enough to make the choice themselves. I mean, let's be honest for a moment. Children are pretty damn stupid. Okay, now I am paraphrasing Dr. Dawkins, but it's true. Kids are pretty stupid. Even your child. Even you when you were a child. For example, Peek-a-boo. Is there anything more stupid than that game? Peek-a-boo makes Hungry Hungy Hippo's look like a 3D chessboard.


Would you entrust these almost people to the secrets of the meaning of life?

But I digress. Today I am supposed to be attacking organised religion, not attacking children. Not today anyway. The point is, the ritual of baptism is just a ploy to "get em when they are young", to label and mind-control children from the most influential age, and to forever claim a soul as a member of their particular faith. And I am pretty sure it is supposed to be permanent. It is like circumcision, female circumcision, footbinding, a forehead tattoo, or hearing your parents have sex. It stays with you forever. I mean, can you even be un-baptised? I guess we could make up some kind of opposite ritual, like something that involves pouring burning oil onto a priest's forehead, or dipping your balls into some holy water. That would work.

The practice of baptism is obviously a farce anyway, such as made clear when a Catholic high school was established in the town I grew up. The students who initially enrolled were either ones who had religious fanatic parents, or kids who had been expelled from the other three schools. The only problem was, many of these naughty kids were godless, unbaptised heathens. No problem, one quick visit to the church, and they had a brand new certificate of baptism. Although, by this stage, they were probably old enough to make that decision (even though there was no other choice for them in terms of schools they could go to). But even Jesus himself was baptised when he was an adult, and he was presumably mature enough to make that decision for himself. I don't recall anywhere in the bible where Jesus was playing Peek-a-boo with the apostles, not even John (the cute one). And that is the point of it all. What Would Jesus Do? Let people make their own damn decisions. So if people want to go through the ceremony, I am happy for them. As long as we can avoid stupid stories about "emergency baptisms", apparently converting your three-year-old daughter to spite your Jewish ex-wife, and Christian babysitters "saving" unconverted children while the heathen parents are taking tango lessons.

Therefore, the point of using the Dutch word "doped" instead of "baptised" takes away the apparently good connotations of the word 'baptised' with something that sounds like "doping" and "duping". The recent scandal of the Catholic Church has made many people question their faith, and I hope this word will help them through their period of doubt and help them claim back their freedom of choice. Colonel Klink... Uncle Fester... Pope Ratzinger asked for forgiveness, but it is hard to forgive something which you were too young to remember.


Example Sentence:

If you have been doped you may well have been duped.