Monster

Noun: a sample, a specimen

Some words in the English language are simply depressing. Besides a very well-known exception "sample" is often one of these. It denotes a small portion, just enough of something to be used for some other means it isn't intended for.

In Dutch, and I can't for the life of me imagine why, the word for sample is "monster". This is especially odd since "monster" is also "monster". I sometimes work in lunch kitchens (As I keep telling myself, it is only to pay my way through school), and I often have to take samples of food in the event that someone gets sick. I will never forget the first time I was asked to take a sample:

Me: "What can I do now?"
Them: "You can take a monster"
Me: "Take a what?"
Them: "A monster"
Me: "... What, right here?"
Them: "No, the soup. And the rice."

As you may well imagine, that led to much confusion. It seriously felt like I was stuck in a real-life Monty Python skit.


It just makes no sense to me. A sample is small. A monster is big. And ugly. And in a sentence "taking a monster" can easily be misconstrued as a childish unintended innuendo. And so, a usually mundane task at work never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Because bringing smiles to faces is what the Gazelle is all about, I propose that we replace the word "sample" or "specimen" with "monster" at every available opportunity. It would feel as good as sponsoring a child in a poor country, with the added benefit of not actually having to help anyone!


Example sentences:
"My wife wants me to go to the fertility count, so I can go make a kwak monster... They supply magazines, right?"
"Okay, I am going to take a monster to the swamp."

It also gives new meaning to the word monster. I bet you now can never again listen to this song seriously (Well, not that you ever could):