Dutch Champaign

Noun: A cocktail containing extremely cheap wine and supermarket-brand soda

There is a wealth of slang in the English language that begins with the word "Dutch", most of which is negative. The reason for this, according to Wikipedia, is because of an age-old rivalry with Holland and England. Basically, the English are dicks. Well, I am loosely paraphrasing Wikipedia, who says:

"English rivalry with the Netherlands especially during the period of the Anglo-Dutch Wars gave rise to several phrases including Dutch that promote certain negative stereotypes. Examples include Dutch courage, Dutch uncle and Dutch wife."

The slang words using Dutch have since been extended considerably in popular usage, usually concerning marijuana, sex or flatulence, and often a combination of all three. Browse this Urban Dictionary list with caution and patience.

However, the word Dutch often - deservedly or not - still holds the main connotation of cheapness. Whether this is true, I will not comment. I will say that the same stereotype applies to the Scottish (You can tell you have gone from England into Scotland when you see toilet paper hanging out to dry). And let's not ignore the lengendary cheapness of the Chinese (... stereotype) .

Personally, I am very Dutch in this sense, but that could well be a result from my drawn-out student life-style. Another part of this lifestyle is drinking. My "Drunkenomics" are lengendary in being able to maximise fun with minimum asking-parents-for-money.

For this, I invented Dutch Champaign. Basically, you buy the cheapest possible bottle of wine available. You know, stuff with a rubber cork. More preferably, get wine that comes in a carton labelled only "wine" in bold letters. Try to get the stuff that you might also be able to use to unclog your shower. It doesn't matter how nasty it tastes, because of the 2nd ingredient :a bottle of generic brand soda. It also costs next to nothing, and mixed together with the wine, it tastes like mummified sugar. For all you know, it resembles something that might be suitable for human consumption.Sure, this might sound disgusting and ridiculous, but it would still taste better than a real Dutch Champaign, if any Dutch person were stupid enough to try make it. Unfortunately, this post comes a few days late for the biggest party in Holland, Queen's day, but rest assured, that with just a few euro you too can celebrate being Dutch any time of the year.

Example sentence: "Do you want to go Dutch on some Dutch Champaign? I'll get the soda, and you get the wine."


Extra tips:

1. Drink from a large plastic cup
   
2. Drink while in the shower
3. Wear a helmet

This guy is enjoying his Dutch Champaign.