Kwak

Noun: a blob of semen

In Dutch, the word of origin is "Kwakje", the suffix of which is the commonly used "je". This is used in two ways.

1. The cute-ifying way
This is used often by women and children to make themselves sound cute. It would be like adding "little" before every noun:
"hurry up little children, put on your little shoes, and let's all go to your little friend's house, little Johnny"
2. The belittling way (AKA my favourite way) This is used in ways to brutally and efficiently insult someone, without the use of swearwords. It is also best translated as "little" such as this example sentence:
"Hey little man, get in your little car, and go home to play with your little prick."
You get the idea. Therefore, "kwakje" is more than just "semen", or rather, it is less. Synonyms in English for this word never really refer to the amount, especially not in the negative. Consider this list of synonymns that I totally just thought of from the top of my head:
seminal fluid, ejaculate, spermatoza, seed, manseed, come/cum, love nectar, man glue, jizz, jizm, spunk, happy juice, love pudding, Albino-custard, Aphrodites-Evostick, arse-grease, ass-grease, axle-grease, baby-custard, baby-fat, baby-food, baby-gravy, baby-juice, baby-paste, baby's, ball juice, ball-bearing-oil, baume-de-vie, beans, beef-extract, beef-gravy, belly-seed, Bob-Monk, boy-honey, bubblejack, bull-gravy, bullets, bung-juice, bung-spew, butter, buttermilk, chism, chitty, cock-paste, cock-porridge, coke puke, cock-snot, cock-vomit, cockwax, cocoa-butter, come, come-juice, comings, courting-cream, cream, cream-sauce, crud, crunt, cum, cum-cum, cundy, Cupid's-toothpaste, curd, custard, Cyclops'-tears, daddy's-sauce, dick-butter, dick-drink, dicksplash, dog-water, doll-spit, dolly-spit, discharge, dream-whip, ejaculant, ejaculate, emission, emok, face-cream, father-stuff, fetch, foam, French-dressing, French-fried-ice-cream, French-fried-ice-water, froth, fruit-juice, fuck, gentleman's-relish, germen, germin, gism, gissom, gisum, gizzum, glaze, glop, gloy, glue, goat's-milk, gonad-glue, goo(-goo), gravy, gub(b), guma, hand-lotion, happy-juice, Harry-Monk, herbalz, hockey, home-brew, honey, hookey, hooky, hot-fat, hot-juice, hot-lead, hot-milk, Irish-confetti, jack, jam, jazz, jelly, jelly-juice, jerk-juice, jessom, jet-stream, jip, jisem, jism, jissom, jizz, jizzom, jizzum, joombye, joy-juice, juice, junk, krud, lather, lech-water (lechwater), letch-water (letchwater), lewd-infusion, liquid-hair-dressing, load, love-butter, love-custard, love-juice, love-liquid, love-liquor, loves-nectar, lumpy-piss, man-chowder, man's-milk, manfat, manglaze, manglue, man-juice, man-milk, man-mustard, man-oil, man-soup, maria, marrow, marrow-pudding, mayonaise, McSpunk, mecotero, melted-butter, mess, mettle, mettle-of-generation, minkus, milk, milt, muck, muckle, mungle, oil-of-man, ointment, oyster, paste, pearl, pearl-drop, pearly-passion-potion, pecker-snot, pedigree-chum, people-paste, phallic-ejaculant, phallic-vomitus, pineapple-chunk, pod-juice, population-paste, prick-juice, protein, pudding, queen-bees, reproductive-fluid, rice-pudding, rich-cream-sauce, roe, royal-jelly, sauce, scum, seed, seminal-discharge, seminal-fluid, seminal-milk, seminal spur, sexual-discharge, sexual-spendings, shissom, slime, slizz, smud, snake-venom, snedge, snot, snowstorm, soap, soul-sauce, Spanish-rice, spence, spend, spendings, sperm, spermatic-juice, spew, splash, splooch, splooge, spoo, spooch, spooey, spoof, spooge, spoonta, spratz, spudwater, spuff, spume, spunk, starch, stick, stick-it-in, sticky, sticky-seed, stitch, stuff, suds, tadpole-treasure, tail-juice, tail-oil, tail-water, tallow, tapioca-pudding, tapioca-toothpaste, Thelonius-Monk, turnip-seeds, Victoria-Monk, vitamins, wad, water-of-life, wazz, whipped-cream, white-blow, white-honey, white-love-piss, white-swallow, whitewash, whore's-milk, yogurt, yuk, cundy, distillate-of-love, distillatia, jizz-spider, lose-bullets, map-of-England, map-of-Ireland, number-three, oyster-stew, pearl-necklace, pecker-tracks, pre-cum, snowdropping, unload, wet-dream, aspermatism, Irish confetti, queen bees, reproductive fluid, rice pudding, pearl drop, protein, pearly passion potion, pecker snot, pecker tracks, phallic ejaculant, phallic vomitus, mayonaise, McSpunk, mecotero, oil of man, ointment, muckle, royal jelly, sauce, seminal discharge, seminal milk, shissom, snake venom, snedge, snowstorm, soap, soul sauce, Spanish rice, spence, spendings, jet stream, jip, Harry Monk, herbalz, home brew, hot juice, hot lead, hot milk, junk, krud, liquid hair dressing, love butter, love liquid, lumpy piss, man chowder, man milk, man mustard, man oil, man soup, maria, aspermia, ass grease, albino custard, arse grease, baby custard, baby fat, baby food, baby gravy, baby juice, baby paste, beef extract, ball-bearing oil, belly seed, Bob Monk, boy honey, bubble-jack, bull gravy, bung juice, bung spew, buttermilk, cock vomit, come-juice, cream sauce, cum-cum, Cupid's toothpaste, curd, Cyclops' tears, daddy's sauce, doll spit, dolly spit, dick drink, ejaculant, father-stuff, foam, fruit juice, gentleman's relish, French-fried ice water, glaze, gonad glue, gub(b), guma, hand lotion, spooey, spoonta, spuff, starch, sticky seed, tail oil, suds, tadpole treasure, Thelonius Monk, turnip seeds, Victoria Monk, vitamins, water of life, white honey, white love piss, whore's milk, yogurt, decorations, dick breath, cocoa butter, tapioca pudding, wad, comings, marrow, goat's milk, seed, rich cream sauce, Old Slimy, Scotch screw, golden screw, hive, cookie crumbs, cream-stick, come stain, cranking for cum, butter and eggs, baume de vie, beans, damp patch, cum dodger, cum stain, erected spermapositor, happy juice, fire blanks, upshoot, white blow, loves nectar, whipped cream, yuk, white swallow, whitewash, tapioca toothpaste, tail juice, tail water, sticky, spume, spunk, spratz, spudwater, spoof, spooge, fetch, French dressing, French-fried ice cream, germen, germin, goo, goo-goo, gravy, glop, gloy, glue, froth, FACE CREAM, dog water, emok, dicksplash, dream whip, crud, crunt, custard, custard cannon, baby's, Aphrodites Evostick, axle grease, butter, beef gravy, cometosis, cockwax, cock paste, cock porridge, cock snot, chitty, hockey, homo-milk, hookey, hooky, hot fat, jelly juice, jerk juice, joombye, joy juice, marrow-pudding, manfat, manglaze, manglue, mess, mettle, mettle of generation, man juice, love custard, love juice, living sauce, lather, lech-water, letch-water, lewd infusion, scum, seminal spurt, sexual discharge, sexual spendings, slime, slizz, smud, spermatic juice, spew, splash, splooch, splooge, spoo, spooch, spend, snot, mungle, paste, pearl, milt, minkus, muck, roe, pearl necklace, pineapple chunk, pod juice, population paste, prick-juice, pedigree chum, people paste, jelly, cream, bullets, chism, dick butter, cum, emission, gizzum, gism, gissom, gisum, jessom, jisem, jism, jissom, jiz, jizz, jizzom, jizzum, honey, jazz, load, milk, pudding, oyster, sperm, waz, wazz, wet dream, White Russian, spunk-pot, take in cream, taking part in population control, unload, truffle hunting, urethra, urethral meatus, urethral orifice, urethrorrhea ex ubidine, wasting babies, viral hepatitis, snowballing, snowdropping, seminary, simple infanticide, skeet shooting, slaughter of the innocent, scatophiliac, seminal fluid, milt-market, milt-shop, melted butter, milk can, milk jug, milk pan, milker, milking pail, milkman, man's milk, love liquor, juice for jelly, keep down the census, keep the census down, honey pot, honeypot, hygrophilia, infanticide, ink in the pen, inseminate, homunculi, jelly bag, give juice for jelly, get one's oil changed, foofer felching, fetch metal, fetch mettle, first stage of ejaculation, glue pot, gluepot, gravy-giver, gravy-maker, emission phase, exchanging loads, felching, dumb glutton, ejaculatio deficiens, ejaculatory incompetence, cum breath, cundy, coitus saxonicus, cocksucker's breath, cocktail, churn, churner, candy-maker, carry live ammunition, cervical hostility, cream-catcher, cream jug, crow, come drunk, come off, coprafelchia, courting cream, butter boat, butter box, beehive, blood and semen cocktail, bananas and cream, ashes hauled, bed breath, bee-hive, beef bayo with extra mayo, acquired immune deficiency syndrome, juice, jack, jam, semen, come, stuff, wet patch, wet spot, clinkers, blow off, belly full, discharge, hepatitis B, lead in your pencil,

None of these terms refer to the small amount which, if we are being honest, is the truth. I mean, they don't give you a bucket when you give a sample. No, they give you a magazine and a 20ml bottle, which you can never really fill up. "Kwak" more accurately describes the reality of the situation. So let's stop kidding ourselves, and call it what it is. A small blob. Kwak.

Example Sentence (Featuring David Caruso):

Bonus 1.
Craig Ferguson actually talked about "Quacking his pants" several times on his September 8th 2009 show during his interview with Neil Patrick Harris. I think he was probably more referring to other bodily functions, but as is the nature of the double entendre, it is open to different meanings and was much funnier with my own Dutch-inspired interpretation.



Bonus 2.

In Dutch the popular cartoon characters from Duck Tales, Huey Dewey and Louie are called Kwik, Kwek and Kwak. Seriously. And noone seems to understand the irony.
Apparently Louey, the green one is Kwak. But if your Kwak is green and it is not St. Patrick's day, I reccommend you see your doctor.


Bonus 3:
There is also a belgsch beer called Kwak.

Kwak:
Worst drink ever. It is even in an appropriately shaped vessel with the white foam at the top.