Lull

verb: to talk nonsense, to blather on, to talk shit

This verb has gained wide appeal in Dutch, probably because the Dutch are very good at it. There are so many people that, for whatever reason, love to talk too much. Some people might be lonely (the elderly are often called an 'old lul'), they might be insecure and feel the need to talk a big game, they might be socially unaware and suffer from verbal diarrhoea, or they might be someone who wants something and is trying to talk their way into getting it.

There are two examples of the last form of lulling. The first is a direct result of the Dutch being ant fuckers. There are often so many rules in place, that getting some official business done can require a lot of paperwork and hassle. But the Dutch know that the best way to get anything done is to get someone on the phone, or go and meet someone responsible, and try lulling their way through it. This requires a delicate combination of friendliness, humour, playing dumb, and being shrewd. In this sense, the Gazellish 'lul' expands on the fairly limited English word "to lull", which is primarily a subtle way of tricking somebody. However, this is not quite accurate, as we all know that it takes two to lul: One to lul, and the other to be lulled.

In the other sense of lulling to get what you want, I had a colleague who said "I might not be so good looking, but I am capable of lulling any girl to bed."

This is especially appropriate since the word 'lul' actually is a slightly crude word for "penis". It can often be more accurately be translated to "douche", "idiot" or "fool". So, lulling might be like saying "dicking around". This also makes me laugh whenever I hear the phrase "there was a lull in the conversation", because it is often caused by someone making a fool of themselves. And it would make sense that people momentarily stop talking when someone flashes their piece during a conversation.

Note: This word's offensiveness dependes heavily on how well you know the other person. If a friend is talking too much or exaggerating a story, you'd tell him to 'stop lulling', similar as to how you could tell a friend to stop bullshitting, or to stop talking out of his ass (because, come on, it is often a guy thing). At least, that's what I tell my friends, which is perhaps why I don't have so many.


Note: Old whoring is merely one form of lulling.

Example sentences:

"The biggest lul on TV spends all his time lulling people into being scared and buying gold. I wish he would stop his lulling."

Yeah, the lul with those four sarcastic fingers.

Vergrendeled

To be stuck, locked up, frozen-up


"Vergrendeled" uses the prefix "ver", which, according to Wiktionary can be used in three ways, of which the first is the most pertinent:

1. to do or to become what the stem (following this prefix) refers to

We saw this earlier on in the year with "verkaased" which gazelled into "be-cheesed", to become like cheese. Vergrendeled works in much the same way, as it turns the object being refered to into Grendel, the horribly disfigured mythical monster as featured in the epic Poem "Beowulf". To give an impression of what this may look like, let's get into a quick gallery of images of Grendel over the years.

So, while there may be some historical discrepancy about what Grendel actually looked like, we can all agree that his appearance was not something to be desired.

Remember that tale about when you make a funny face, if the wind changes, you face will stay that way? Well, that is a classic example of being vergrendeled. Of course, objects can become vergrendeled too. The first time I heard it I was at a printer store, and a lady complained to the staff:

"My computer is ver-grendeled. Can you come and help"

I had a very graphic image of the computer being horribly disfigured and screaming insanely, which is kind of appropriate.

So, basically, anything that becomes misshapen or stuck in an undesirable way could be vergrendeled. This could be anything from a crashed computer, a skipping CD, a cake which has risen too much, two peaches that have grown into one, a particularly bad car accident, anything like that. The Gazellish way of thinking allows an undesirable situation become a much more descriptive one.


Example Sentence:

"This guy has been totally vergrendeled. What a sucker."

Squirting and Swallowing

verb: to take drugs

It is a strange fact of life that sometimes stereotypes are in fact opposite. This post concerns the usage of drugs in the Netherlands. The Netherlands makes a distinction between "hard" and "soft" drugs. Cannabis, a "soft" drug, is generally allowed in the Netherlands, yet usage is considerably lower than many countries who still crimminalise it, as seen by this graph. And I don't think this takes into consideration the massive amounts of drug tourism that Holland also generates.

People often explain this curious statist by saying that people like doing things that aren't allowed, but this seems like a pretty weak explanation to me. My hypothesis is related to the Dutch language. "Spuiten en Slikken" is a euphamism primarily for taking drugs. In fact, there is even a popular TV show which addresses drug and(/or) sex-related activities. I once saw a young female tv host try acid and go to a disco. Now that is reporting!


Quite literally, it can be translated as "squirting and swallowing", which suddenly makes taking drugs seem a little less attractive. Or at least, it is something you would put some more thought into doing. Because, even in Dutch, judging by a google image search I just made, there is a large connotation with some aspects of sexual intercourse you hope won't be on the video that God shows you at the pearly gates.

See, when drugs are illegal and most people seem to agree that there is relatively little harm to come from them, people might be quicker to go ahead and use them in spite of the legal risk. In Holland there is a much more open dialogue, and people can make a more informed decision as to whether they want to "squirt and swallow". So I think we could introduce this eupemism into the English language, and see if this affects the drug-use statitics. It could do no harm, except I suppose, to people who like freaky sex but are staunchly anti-drug. But those people can go screw themselves, which I am sure they will.

Example Sentence:

"Every year, hundreds of thousands of drug tourists come to Amsterdam for some squirting and swallowing which their home governments would not approve of."


Bonus: Another popular host of the show Spuiten en Slikken, Nicollete, famously posed for playboy last year to "report" on the experience. This has no real relevance to this post, but is still awesome.

Zuh

a suffix after a regular verb, to encourage the person to perform the action to their absolute best


Okay, the above definition is a little messy. I think it may be useful to give the most common example.
When I first began working for a temping agency in Holland, I got my first assignment. The cute girl at the counter (with whom I shared a birthday with) was extremely friendly and helpful, and I thanked her for the job which I badly needed. As I began walking away, she called out "Werk Ze!".

I was confused. Did she just call out to me "work it!", like horny females call out at strip clubs on ladies' night? I turned around, slightly confused but complimented. But she just said "werk ze" again, leaving me leaving confused.

Over the next few weeks of work, I kept hearing the phrase "werk ze", and it became obvious that it wasn't some kind of wolf whistle. I mean, I know I don't warrant that much femular attention, and it became a little unnerving when old ladies, and men called it out.

It turns out this is a phrase that means "Do your best" or "Keep up the good work" or "Work hard" (or more accurately, in a freer transaltion: "Don't work too hard"). It is such a simple, efficient phrase, and what I love about it the most is that strangers often say this to each other. I especially heard this when I was working the late shift, and the customer felt sympathy for the crappy work I was doing. It is a simple and nice gesture, one that actually helps make you feel better despite the crappy work. I think the English language could use such a friendly phrase, because it sounds demeaning telling a stranger to "work hard".

Although work-zuh is really the only common use for zuh, I learnt that it is possible to say it with other verbs. The main other occasion that I am aware of is when serving food to customers. "Eat-zuh" can be said instead of the regular "eet smakelijk", although I found it is less polite and wouldn't say it to old people. Maybe I am ageist. Perhaps the nuance is when someone is about to get stuck into a large portion, and they would need to eat to their utmost ability to finish it.

After the revelation of the suffix "zuh", I began to use this in my everyday English conversations to ridiculous effect.

• Instead of 'goodnight' I would say 'sleep-zuh'
• Instead of 'study hard' it would be 'study-zuh'
• When someone was going to the supermarket, I'd tell them 'shop-zuh'
• If someone was about to go out to a party, it'd be 'drink-zuh'

I am sure you could come up with some much more inappropriate ones like I have. Basically, it is a way to tell someone to succeed at, and enjoy whatever they might be doing. And this can never be a bad thing.

Example Sentences
Let's make a quick quiz to see if you can make your own "zuh" words from these pictures. Choose from the multi-choice options. (Note: there are probably no wrong answers.)

A) Act-zuh
B) Botox-zuh
C) Adopt-zuh

A) Drill-zuh
B) Spill-zuh
C) Clean-zuh
A) Swing-zuh
B) Drill zuh
C) Spill-zuh
D) Apologise-zuh