2nd Christmas

The 26th of December, the Day after Christmas


People love their holidays. Hell, if most people had the choice, they wouldn't work at all. That's why they have to pay you to come to your job. Anyway, Christmas is one of those times of year that most of the people in the world puts aside their personal beliefs and pretends that the imaginary birth-date of an important religio-historical figure entitles them to a couple of days off work. (They also do this to celebrate his death-day also which is often an entire long weekend.)

It is only natural that we would want to stretch out the holiday as much as possible, and many countries do with a holiday on the 26th of December. In many commonweath countries, there is Boxing Day which is sometimes called "Saint Stephen's Day", in South Africa it is called the Day of Goodwill, and a bunch of other countries have their own names for what is essentially takaing advantage of the Christian Tradition. (He also died for our public holidays apparently.) However, why don't we cut the crap a little bit and stop pretending that the 26th of December is a day for "goodwill" or for cleaning up the empty boxes or whatever the lame explanation for that name is? It is just a holiday to stretch out Christmas, hence, the 2nd Christmas.

This is apparently a term used all across Europe, but it still expresses perfectly the Gazellish concept. For what is better than not having to go to work for another day?

The use of 2nd Christmas should not be confused with Two Turtle Doves, from the song 12 Days of Christmas. However, in many countries if the 2nd Christmas falls on a Sunday, then the Monday then becomes a rare "Third Christmas", such as this year. Yes, 2010 is the year of triple unproductivity, and increasied opportunity to spend money on stuff you don't want to give, and stuff you shouldn't eat. Anything other than work. The phenomenom of the 3rd Chrismas may also be replicated when Christmas day falls on a Friday, leaving the Sunday as a day of rest from two days of rest.

Either way, wherever you are and whatever you happen to be doing and however you choose to celebrate, may the Gazelle be with you. Even if you happen to be working, because extra pay can be gazelle-ish too.


Example Sentence:

If you feel a little wrong about celebrating a 2nd Christmas, just celebrate the birthday of Mao Tse-tung. It's all the same.

Tractoring

Verb: To shout (someone), to treat (someone) to

The dutch word "trakteren" has the above meaning, which again brings up the issue of vague, waffly English definitions where Dutch has a clear word for it. "Shouting" by itself has another more dominant meaning, and treating someone sounds more like when the parents of your best friend buys you an icecream after you went and played at the park. Treating someone to a beer, it's a little belittling, or maybe illegal. Just ask Michael Jack... Oh wait, he's dead. What have we learnt?

So next time, "tractor" someone, please.

Tractoring has a slightly wider definition in Holland. See, when they have a birthday, they actually do things for other people. I know, it's as if they don't even want to be a needy, attention-seeking, greedy, spoilt little bitch. Weird. When children have birthdays, they are almost obligated to buy all their classmates a small gift, and adults usually have some kind of party where guests aren't even supposed to bring their own alcohol. I know, it doesn't make any sense. For this reason, the MTV show "Dutch Sweet 16" is the lamest show ever.

Last year for my birthday, I had to cook for all my extended family, and several times during the evening they asked me to fetch the next round of drinks. I was tractoring around all day, and I didn't get even one gift. But on the bright side, we don't have to bring gifts or booze to birthday parties, so it all works out in the end. Expending a lot of energy once a year for a birthday is much better than doing it all year round. It is like immunising yourself against brithday parties. The Dutch are onto something here.


Example Sentences:

"If you're tractoring someone to a hay-ride, chances are, you're a redneck"

Kring

Noun: a group of people sitting in a circular formation

If that above description sounds like fun to you, chances are, you're Dutch. Dutch people love nothing better than to sit in circular formations.

For non-Dutch people, sitting in circles was probably something you last did intentionally when you were in pre-school, but in Holland, krings are for all ages. It is considered by many to be the epitomy of gazellish-ness. Yes, the Dutch like structure so much that even Gazelles are penned up.
A visual representation of a gazellish kring

The most common site for a kring is at a Dutch party. In the centre there will usually be a table to place your coffee mug or beer. Also there will be biscuits or cake, of which you can take one. Yes, just one. It is considered bad manners to take a 2nd, unless offered.

As the party goes on, any new guests will quickly be enveloped into the kring. Chairs will be brought from other rooms, the garden or the neighbour's place to ensure that this happens. No-one is excluded from the kring. It is like a giant, ever-expanding superorganism. It cannot be stopped. Everyone is sucked in. It is a social black-hole.

This is why, under the gazellish veneer, I suspect something is afoot with the phenomenom of the kring. "Kring" sounds like such a stifling word, and I suspect it might have it's more sinister side. Compare the next two images.

Yes, the 2nd image is of a seance. When you think about it, there really isn't so much difference. So, my advice to Dutch people is: try not to think about it. Especially since this Sunday is Mother's Day. Sure, she may expect flowers or a phonecall, but all the Dutch mother really wants is you to be in her kring on this special day.


Example sentence:

"Come, join us. Join our kring. We won't hurt you. Join us. You know you want to."