Poober

noun: a teenager

Don't worry, this sounds like a mash-up word of "poo" and "boogers", but that will be a future installment. The Dutch word "Puber" probably has the same etymological roots as pubic, and related words, which are all medical terms for dirty bits of anoatomy. Looking back, these words both made you want to giggle when your friends said it, and cringe when your teachers and parents said it. Urghh. what an awful time.

It was even more awful because I grew up in an English speaking country, but with Dutch parents at home. They would often talk about me as a poober, saying I was acting in this way because I was a poober, that I should stop being such a typical poober, poober poober poober. And all I could think, as a native English-speaking teenager was "Dad, stop talking about my pubes!"

Of course, I didn't quite understand that the Dutch word puber has no other embarrassing words. However, the link has stayed with me. It still shocks me when I hear Dutch teenagers freely talk about themselves as poobers.

However, Dutch teens seem to be much more relaxed than I was (although this probably says much more about me than them), and I think English-speaking teens should wrestle the root-word of "pubic" from the lame adults who try to address them. Because, the Weekly Gazelle advocates any incentive to get an immature giggle from anatomy-related words. (see zwaffle, kwak, moose foot, talking cunt, freedom, etc...)


Example Sentence:
"Poobers are always thinking about freedom"

All-tone

Noun: a foreigner, an immigrant or a 2nd or 3rd generation foreigner

As this brilliant Wikipedia page points out, "allochtone" technically refers specifically to all immigrants and their descendants still living in Holland. However, in practical usage, it pretty much refers to foreigners who are brown.

Holland, with its Dutch weather, is traditionally made up of extremely white people. However, the population is caramelising through a combination of Holidays in Spain, and immigrants espeically of Moroccan, Turkish and Antillian descent. I mean, just look at this team photo of the Olympic youth football team.This is the future of Holland. Even the goalkeeper is black! It is like a giant, mutant Oreo.

But for now, until the population pigmentation is evenly mixed, we still need a word to refer to the darker population of Holland. Although the etymology of "allochtone" is innocent and Greek (because ancient Greeks never did anything wrong), to an English speaker it sounds pretty much like a portmanteau of "all" and "tone", which is appropriate: All people with a skin tone. All-tone is such a brilliant word because it separates DNA from nationality, without being racially controversial. It doesn't exclude someone from their nationality. So if you want to be a dick to or about a foreigner without denying them their nationality, here's a convenient word for you. (You're welcome Geert Wilders)


Example Sentence:
"Look, there isn't one Dutch player on our Dutch football team. They are all all-tones"

Animable

adjective: dear, lovable, precious
The English "amiable" has a similar sound and meaning, but noone ever uses it, because, well, it sounds French and/or wankey. Seriously, imagine you meet a woman who has met your best friend and says he is 'amiable'. Chances are that she is either lying, or a rich stuck-up bitch. So, using this word is out of the question for most of us.

In Dutch, the word "Dierbaar" is literally "animal" and the suffix "-able". However, the meaning "dear" and "lovable" really describes the type of relationship we are usually only able to have with animals. That's why so many of us have pets, because we can train them to love us without fear of rejection. So, if the "L" word is difficult or inappropriate in a certain situation, why not try "animable". It means almost the same, but it is always easier to show your feelings to animals first.



Bonus 1:
Often to call someone an "animal" is sort of an insult, but really the truth is, animals often bring out the best of us. You know, unless we go too far like PETA (Motto: We care about animals, not people).
Bonus 2:
Animable is also a very Dutch word because there is even a serious political party called "Party for the Animals" (Motto: Animals are people too). Although, I find it hard to believe that the leader uses only make up that hasn't been tested on animals... Me and her could, umm... do it like they do it on the discovery channel...

Freedom

verb: to have sex

Sure, there are already several words and phrases to mean having sex, for example:

           a bit of jam                    action
              ball                            ballock
              boloney ride                    bananas and cream
              bang                            basket making
              batter                          beef
              beef injection                  be in a woman's beef
              belly ride                      belt
              blanket drill                   blow off the loose corns
              board                           boff
              bone                            bore
              bottle                          bounce
              bump                            bump fur
              bunny stick                     burry one's wick
              bury the bone                   bush patrol
              buzz the brillo                 cane
              change one's luck               charge
              chuck a tread                   climb
              cock up                         come across
              couple with                     cover
              crack it                        cram
              crawl                           cream
              cut                             dance the mattress jig
              daub of the brush               dick
              dicky dunk                      diddle
              dig your stinger in the honey   dip your stick
              dip your wick                   dirty work at the crossroads
              do                              do a dive in the dark
              do a flop                       do a push
              do a slide up the board         dog
              do it                           do the deed
              do the nasty                    ease nature
              exchange spit                   feather-bed jig
              feed the dummy                  fiddle
              firk                            fit end to end
              fix her plumbing                flesh session
              flop                            flop in the hay
              four-legged frolic              frig
              fuck                            fun and games
              get a bit                       get a chunk
              get a crumpet                   get a hunk
              get a little                    get a piece
              get a snipper                   get a wet one
              get home                        get in
              get into her pants              get into some serious flesh
              get it on                       get jack in the orchard
              get laid                        get lucky
              get one's ashes hauled          get one's greens
              get one's leather stretched     get one's noodle wet
              get one's oil changed           get some
              get some action                 get some ass
              get some crack                  get some hair
              get some hole                   get some pussy
              get some stuff                  get some tail
              get some tweeze                 get your bean waxed
              get your pole varnished         give her a stab
              go all the way                  go like a belt-fed motor
              go to bed with                  go to it
              go to town                      go vaulting
              grease the wheel                grind
              grind on'e tool                 hanky-panky
              have                            have a bit
              have a bit of giblet pie        have a bit of summer cabbage
              have a blow through             have sex with
              hide the ferret                 hide the salami
              hit on the tail                 hock
              hop on                          horizontal refreshment
              hose                            hot roll with cream
              hump                            impale
              introduce charlie               invade
              irish whist                     jazz
              jink                            job
              join paunches                   jounce
              joy ride                        jug
              juke                            jump
              jump on one's bones             knock
              knock off a piece               know
              ladies' tailoring               lay
              lay off with                    lay some pipe
              lay the hip                     lay some leg
              leap                            leap on
              lie                             lie with
              lob in                          love
              make                            make feet for childrens shoes
              make it                         make love
              make out with                   make the scene
              making babies                   makin' whoopie
              mate                            mess around
              mingle limbs                    mix one's peanut butter
              mount                           mugg
              muss                            nail
              mail two bellies together       nick
              nib                             nig
              nub                             nut
              oblige                          off
              park your yacht in the hair harbor
              peel one's best end             peg
              perform                         pestle
              piece                           piece of ass
              piece of pussy                  piece of snatch
              piece of tail                   pile
              pile-driving                    pin
              plant the oats                  play at all fours
              play hide the bone              plow
              pluck                           plug
              pocket the red                  poke
              pole                            pole work
              polish your rocket              pop
              pork                            post a letter
              pound                           pump
              punch                           push
              put the boots to                put the tool in the shed
              quimsticking                    ram
              ride                            rip off
              rites of venus                  roasting the broomstick
              roll                            roll in the hay
              rock                            rod
              roger                           romp
              root                            rootle
              roust                           rub bacons
              rub up                          rumble
              rumple                          rutting
              salt                            saw off a chunk
              score                           screw
              scutz around                    secret services
              service                         shack up crew
              scutz around                    secret services
              service                         shack up
              shaft                           shag
              shake                           shake the sheets
              shoot between wind and water    shoot one's wad
              short arm practice              shove
              shtup                           sink the sausage
              sink the soldier                slam
              sleep with                      slip her a length
              slip into                       split
              spoil                           suattin' on the hog
              squat jumps in the cucumber patch
              squeeze and a squirt            stab
              stable my naggie                strop one's beak
              strum                           stuff
              swing                           tail-work
              take a turn in the stubble      take a turn on shooter's hill
              tear off a piece                tear the sheets
              the disappearing cane trick     the matrimonial polka
              thread                          thread the needle
              throw a hump                    throw a leg over
              throw a shot                    thump
              tie the true lover's knot       tiff
              tip the long one                to be intimate
              tooling in the woods            tops and bottoms
              trim                            trim the buff
              trip up the rhine               tumble
              tumple                          turn up
              twiddle                         varnish one's cane
              vault                           vitamin F
              wap                             wham
              what mother did before me       wind the clock
              womanize                        work
              work out                        work the dumb oracle
              work the hairy oracle           yard
              yentz

But as they say, we can never have too many words for fornication. Well, I don't know if anyone has ever said that. Surely. At least I just said it, not that it counts for much. So let us look to the Dutch language to add another entry to this hallowed list.

"Vrijen" possibly had a more innocent meaning in the distant past 'to court or woo', but it basically means the same thing as the list above. However, the root of the word (vrij) means 'free'. Little wonder that the hippie culture caught on in Holland, when making love was etymologically the same as 'making freedom'. And all this while we just presumed that it was the availabilty of herbal cigarettes. No, those Dutch hippies were smoking more than just joints. They were playing with more than just hackey-sacks. They were giving more than just their middle finger to society... if you get my drift.

Recently in Holland, like in some other certain nations, the word "freedom" is under attack by conservatism, which is pretty much contradictory if you think about it (which is perhaps why they usually avoid thinking about it.) Next week is the national election in Holland, and among the leading parties is PVV, "The Party of the Freedom" and it's supposedly charismatic leader Geert "I look like a Jane Austin character" Wilders. Now, I don't like to get political, although the Gazelle also aims to stay topical. Mostly I appreciate politics for comedic purposes such as Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and even Monty Python.

However, you just have to hate a politician whose platform for running for governmental power is "More safety, less immigration." Yeesh. That isn't the Hippy Holland that we have come to know and expect. So, in the tradition of true Dutch freedom meaning the same thing as 'fucking', I can say to Geert Wilders and his Party of Freedom, "get fucked". And maybe one day we can all make sweet sweet freedom together.

Example sentence:



Or, choose a favourite quote from this list.